i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i think i just lost a toe
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
