I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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