Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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