some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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