dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
