My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
