I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the raccoons are back...
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