If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
