I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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