I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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