You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize