I got chris browned last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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