I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
