I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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