I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
