if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Now all my porn is stored in my parentsā basement. Itās like a part of my soul is boxed up
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