I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
