i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
