is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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