Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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