Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
