i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
