Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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