I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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