He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
