i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
