can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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