The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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