I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
