stop calling my apartment porn island.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
