whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
