the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
