You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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