Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
