some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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