It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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