She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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