be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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