Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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