I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
