I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
