no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
