piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
