brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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