Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
