Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
