there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
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did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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