He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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