Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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