I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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