i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
