I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
