I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
