What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
