would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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