ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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