I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
