A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
