After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are the jesus of drinking
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