Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
