Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
