I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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