high people should be assigned attendants
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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