he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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