I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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